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FORKIN’ HECK!
COUNTERFEIT STONES INVITE YOU TO A BLAGGER’S BANQUET
Life on the road as the Counterfeit Stones is a cornucopia of cracking music; a moveable feast of fun and frolics; a great, big Blagger’s Banquet, if you will.
Nick Dagger and co. enjoy the perks of the rock star lifestyle – those 10% discounts at Little Chef, being recognized by the local staff at the local Happy Shopper (those shoplifting charges were dismissed!) and on a goodnight, it’s not unusual for one of the band members to be bought a drink or two by an attractive, young Russian barmaid!
Now, the Counterfeit Stones would like to invite you to put two sticky fingers up at the current credit crunch by joining them in their cut-price, glamorous world and coming to see the high quality, multi-media Rock n’ Roll shows that make up this year’s brand new Blagger’s Banquet tour. You can enjoy astoundingly accurate renditions of the real Rolling Stones greatest hits, along with spoof film clips, gags, the outrageous outfits Mick and the boys have donned onstage over the years and last but not least, those trademark moves from singer Nick Dagger.
The best thing about Blagger’s Banquet, of course, is that you can get the full experience of a Stones stadium gig (minus the global warming inducing pyrotechnics – health and safety!!) in more intimate venues at a fraction of the price.
Not only have Nick Dagger, Keef Rickard, Bill Hymen, the Unholy Trinity of
Bryon Jones/Mick Tailor-Made/Ronnie B Good and Charlie Mott been thrilling sold-out crowds around the globe for over 15 years, being praised in tabloids and broadsheets alike, but they have also been featured in the recent BBC Radio 2 documentary, “Earth, Wind For Hire” (presented by comedian Bill Bailey) recorded the soundtrack for Stephen Woolley’s major motion picture on the life and death of Brian Jones, “Stoned”. and received the ultimate accolade when Sir Mick himself referred to the Counterfeit Stones as “the most famous Stones (tribute) band” in a BBC World Service interview last year.
With all this depressing talk about the economy, what better way to cheer yourself up than coming to dance those blues away with a value-for-money night of top quality entertainment? Satifisfaction is guaranteed…
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| Posted By: The Band |
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I KNOW IT’S “PHONEY ROCK ‘N’ ROLL”,
BUT YOU’LL LIKE IT!
Now that we’ve recovered from last year’s “Itchy Fingers” (a bit of cream from the doctor cleared that right up), the Counterfeit Stones are rolling out their latest tour, “It’s Phoney Rock ‘n’ Roll”.
As the name of the tour implies, the band lovingly (and laughingly!) cover the musical history of the Rolling Stones from 1963 through to the stadium gigs of the 1980s. The show which blends stunningly accurate live renditions of the Stones’ music with the replica (and sometimes unintentionally hilarious) costumes, the trademark dance moves, much onstage banter and, of course, the wigs!
“It’s Phoney Rock ‘n’ Roll” may give the impression that this hooky band is inferior in quality to the originals, but thousands would disagree! Not only have the Counterfeit Stones been thrilling sold-out crowds around the globe for over 15 years, praised in tabloids and broadsheets alike, they have also been featured in the recent BBC Radio 2 documentary, “Earth, Wind For Hire” presented by Bill Bailey and received the ultimate accolade by being asked to record the soundtrack for Stephen Woolley’s major motion picture on the life and death of Brian Jones, “Stoned”.
The only thing that’s missing from the real Rolling Stones shows are the huge stadiums in which they’re held and the expensive tickets. The shows on the Counterfeit Stones tour will take place at more intimate venues – and with tickets at a fraction of the cost!
So what are you waiting for? Get down to your nearest venue, enjoy the music and laughs, have a dance in the aisle to “get in touch with your Inner Wild Turkey”. There’s nothing to be afraid of (except maybe those tights Dagger wears in the 70s!)…after all, “It’s Phoney Rock ‘n’ Roll”.
“The most famous Stones band in England”…MICK JAGGER
“They’re hilarious”…JERRY HALL
“Four out of five stars”…THE TIMES
“A Grand Finale”…BUCKINGHAM PALACE
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| Posted By: The Band |
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Spring/Summer Tour 07- Itchy Fingers
I hope those of you who’ve seen an ‘Itchy Fingers’ show enjoyed the new film sketches. They were a lot of fun to make and proved quite a challenge to pull off. There’s nothing like a drunken evening in a good curry house (in this case Wimborne) to conjure up mad ideas for a bunch of bogus rock gods.
The idea that Daleks capture the Counterfeits at a present day festival in Bognor and transfer them back to 1965 for an inter-galactic ball proved too compulsive to dismiss as a mere poppadom moment and by the time the Vindaloos arrived we had plans for Keef on Mastermind and the band being exposed for fraud on a popular current affairs programme.
Many thanks to TV’s Jonathan Maitland, whose real-life job is to hide in attics and cupboards in order to ambush ‘dodgy builders’, for making our exposé so real. We all agreed that when filming that particular sketch it really was scary hearing him outside on the doorstep preparing to pounce.
Holgar who joined us last September for the much coveted job of Nicky Popkiss and Chuck Leavell has truly added so much with his fantastic keyboard skills that we‘ve brought back two old favourite ballads, Angie & Wild Horses.
We also thought it would be a good idea to make the second half more of a concert without breaking it in half with film clips that covered the Mick Tailor-Made to Ronnie B. Goode change. Now Bryon Jones’ demise and subsequent recruitment of Mick Tailor-Made take place before the interval. Our experience so far is that the changes work very well and for those who those who just can’t resist jigging their bits about - (especially after a few sherbets in the intermission) - they can do so without interruption.
Thanks for all your support.
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| Posted By: Nick Dagger |
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THE FINAL LEG OF THE 06 TOUR
With 20 out of 27 dates being completely sold out the autumn matched the climate- hot and sticky. When one plans these itineraries, the object is to target venues where a policy of scorch and burn is feasible and Genghis would’ve been proud of the result.
Like most ol’ rockers who by definition tend to be luddites (seeing midi as the anti-Christ), I’m proud to announce my conversion to Sat Navving. It was in the sleepy town of Retford that I chanced upon a Currys. This was a surprise given that it only has a few shops including one of those bakers that sell fairy cakes with radioactive pink icing. I’d decided to take the technical high dive and buy a Tom Tom because we were in Peterborough the next day and the town’s a labyrinth. We’ve been there many times but can never remember the way in or out. The hotel where we ‘d booked to stay was also geographical soduku and you don’t want to be circling one of the UK’s worst conurbation designs at two in the morning. Well readers it was one of the wisest purchases know to man. With the choice on the device of a male or female voice we all fell in love with Jane. Her dominant and authortive tone has taken us every where since then and as the only female on board she’s put up with the testosteronic verbal without a flinch. And, she comes mood free! Roll on android marriages.
Radlett proved a big disappointment. I had many calls from would be punters saying that it was impossible to get through to the box office. When I rang the management at the theatre I was told they were suffering phone congestion due to the recently announced pantomime. It’s one of the very few venues that can’t be booked online and if we’re to go back, they’ll need to get their act together.
Our two trips to Yorkshire were great. Ilkley and Ripley were worth every drop of diesel. Great fish n chips in Graveleys in Harrogate and scrummy home made pies in Ilkley. Ilkley now has a Pizza Express opposite the theatre and that’s very handy for a pre-show snack. Bilston near Wolverhampton gave us two fantastic nights and if the powers that be hadn’t closed the M6 and the M5 making the journey home horrendous, it would have made for two perfect gigs. Closed motorways are becoming a night traveller’s nightmare. It’s happening everywhere and they never give you any bloody warning. It’s hardly helping to solve the green problem when the diversions usually involve sending you down the opposite way for 10 miles.
The two gigs in Burgess Hill were phab and will be remembered for the crazy chick that faithfully marched throughout the entire performance from one side of the theatre to the other like a demonic troll – I do hope she’s all right! We drove through a near monsoon to get to Hertford but with a great toasted cheese sarnie in Barneys and a packed all standing crowd, who’s complaining.
Wimborne’s barrel organ and Morris dancers provided the perfect excuse to escape for a long drawn out lunch in the Cloisters where we were excellently served by a cheerful buxom maiden whose compliment that we were the only customers in the place with a pulse made an old Nick Dagger very happy. The Wimborne Tandoori can be highly recommended as we had a superb post show feast there. We’ve eaten in many curry houses all over the country and we unanimously voted this one of the best.
We had a very interesting gig in Piccadilly’s Café Royal. Historically this was the preferred hostelry of people like Oscar Wild and Dylan Thomas. Now with its multi function rooms on four floors it can house anything from awards ceremonies to boxing events. Despite the Christmas traffic it was a reason to see the Regent Street lights and other London sights and on my way back to the car after the gig there were many sights to see. Most of them were being sick on the pavement.
We have to negotiate our way through thick fog tomorrow to get to our last gig of the tour in Newtown, Wales. This will be Jane’s biggest challenge yet and she has the fate of the Counterfeit Stones in her hands. Never will a woman’s voice be so welcome.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all,
Nick Dagger xxx
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| Posted By: The Band |
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SUMMER'S GONE! BUT NOT QUITE
There I was waiting for the chill of autumn that would have been my prompt for a quick resumé of The Bong Tour summer leg - but with temperatures still at “tee shirt” on the barometer it’s all become a bit blurred.
We had fantastic audiences for every date of the theatre tour that culminated in Cheltenham on Jun 10. A fitting full stop as it was the date of the first England game in the World Cup. Even the Stones themselves respect the gravity pull of such an event and our gig schedule was deliberately planned to avoid the big games.
We had some truly memorable open air dates which included Kew Gardens, Ludlow Castle and a support spot with Status Quo in Burntwood RFC’s ground.
Like Dr WHO our keyboardist has effected another physical change from the lanky “Boy Evans” into a stocky Holger to take on the mystery role of Nicky Popkiss and the other piano blokes.
Our very own Nick Dagger has also filmed a short comedy piece with none other than Sir Bob Geldof. It is to be shown as part of the Comic Relief campaign next March. Other legends encountered recently have been drumming “modster” Kenney Jones. Kenney owns his own polo ground in Surrey and a promoter felt an open air gig in Kenney’s back yard was a great idea for raising money for a charity. Kenney’s new band The Jones Gang headlined and we got the audience moist for the King’s pleasure.
It was great to get back to Southend after a two year absence and if the remainder of the autumn tour leg goes as well as the first four weeks, we’ll all have a very happy Christmas indeed.
Love to you all.
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| Posted By: Nick Dagger |
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GOING, GOING, BONG!
Although our five day run was trimmed to suit Alan Sugar's filming schedule, the four nights that did take place at Hammersmith's Riverside Studios all sold out and really rocked.
The new film footage and additional songs seemed to be meet our audience's very exacting standards and new boy Lennon as Keef has taken to his flares and riffs with absolute gay abandon (something the management will be monitoring closely!).
Glad to see the size of stage-bound underwear is coming down nicely and hopefully by June we'll be getting nothing bigger than a size 14 (keep 'em clean....please keep 'em clean). All our stage offerings, which include bras and mars bars, knickers and snickers, stockings and dolly mixtures (these play havoc with Bill's Girlfriend's braces) now are all spilling out of The Counterfeit Stones Museum/Vault in Bilston.
The first three dates of the provinical tour were all sold out and were a perfect warm up for our invasion of a small town called Holst in South Holland. Our itinery meant that we had to fly to Düsseldorf Airport and let me tell you dear readers, Lufthansa, like the German economy, is not what it once was.
Having denied ourselves tuck at the terminal in the expectation that a German airline would provide snacks "fitting for the larger German", imagine our disappointment when a lilliputian cheese roll dropped into our laps. Not so much "A Bridge Too Far" as "A Bridge Roll too Small" The cheese was as tasteless as the trolley-staff uniforms.
Our Dutch driver (who looked about nine years old) did a splendid job of avoiding a motorway jam by taking us across country and over the canals, which involved a series of scary ferries. These things were more like rafts than ferries and it's a sobering thought to know that you could be forced to break into a doggy paddle at very short notice!
We reached Holst and, after trying every door of the venue, finally got into the artist backstage area only to be met by an overweight, overaged Dutch bloke calling himself "Slash". Unbeknown to us we were to share the stage with his Dutch tribute to Guns and Roses and a UK U2 band.
The promoter (also looking like a nine year old, are we in the Netherlands or Never Never Land!) was very happy to dish out foaming pints of lager and introduce us to the rest of the crew and artists. Slash's mates surpassed even his dimensions and we were thoroughly looking forward to an engorged Guns and Roses spilling out of their leather trousers!
Soundchecks are painful at the best of times and the disorganised cacophony that ensued certainly entered the top ten of worst soundchecks ever. After a paultry dried up schitzel and chips we were faced with a SIX HOUR wait untill our performance. These long pre-show waiting periods can only be eased with fine wine and cold beer served in a comfortable dressing room. What we were presented with were shit wine, warm beer and a cold empty room across the road from the main venue.
As expected the show ran late and by the time Tums and Pansies finished deafening the 2000 half-cut Dutch farmers, U2's pleas of "In the Name of Love" went unnoticed! With a strict curfew Spotty Dick (The promoter) pleaded with us to shorten our set, which, feeling like newly released Terry Waites, we were only too happy to do.
We charged onstage to a completely pissed audience and no lick or riff could be heard above the torrent of phlegm-ish gabbling. A desperate attempt was made to hook a couple of very tasty groupies who had gotten over the barrier and onto Nick Dagger's catwalk, but this was ruined by a deluge of beer thrown at the bands potential prey.
We finally reached the hotel boozeless, groupieless, dopeless and bloody hungry, but, halellujiah, a bar laden with a Turkish wedding's leftovers was still open! We feasted till 4am, to be up again at 9am for a bufffet breakfast. The manager was very apologetic that he could not serve the buffet later but the room was needed for a crystal and mystics fair and, as we ate our boiled eggs and gouda, we had to put up with the humiliation of being watched by a bunch of tree huggers and youghurt knitters! At least they were more attentive than the audience last night!
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| Posted By: Nick Dagger |
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The second leg of the Winter Bourbon Jungle tour finally ended in Market Harborough on Dec 10th and bloody cold it was too. Our dressing room consisted of one old armchair stuck in the mens changing room. No heater or cool lighting- just a bright yellow cell. The 700 sell out crowd soon warmed us up though.
Apologies once again for having to move the gig at Retford but that throat lurgy took no prisoners. Newbury, Wimborne and the three nights at Burgess Hill all proved to be their usual wild affairs. Newport and Coleford proved more of a challenge. I don't suppose the freezing fog and icy roads helped in such remote lands.
Our final December shows were all private affairs and one of the real high lighters was playing in old Billingsgate for Chelsea Football Club's 100th anniversary. The current squad complete with Mourinho were all there as indeed were many great past heroes. Sorry to Peter Osgood who wanted us to play longer but we were under strict orders to keep to the schedule.
Now we're busy in production, creating more film mischief. So look out in the tour for startling new archaeological evidence and a banned episode never seen of two of the nation's most well know TV personalities.
See ya
Nick x
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| Posted By: Nick Dagger |
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BOURBON JUNGLE/AUTUMN LEG
Things have been going great so far in our Autumn leg of the tour. Bill our new Keef is settling in, oh so very well. His dedication to the task is very touching, especially with the Jack Daniels training. He's already up to about 3/4 a litre a day and it can only get better.
Epsom, Radlett, Abergavenny, Potters Bar, Bedford, Stevenage have all proved to be wild and sticky:just the way we like it. I'm getting some varied and exciting offers coming and as soon as the ink's dry on the paper, I'll be making announcements.
Keep an eye out for a Brian Jones documentary on Channel 4 in November. We're playing all the music.
Luv
Nick x
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| Posted By: Nick Dagger |
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Bye Bye Summer
Well, we played some great outdoor door shows in those balmy months of June, July & August. It makes a nice change to be playing with fresh air up your nostrils and, not one of those dates was cursed with rain.
Two great events have sweetened September with its onset of chill and early sun-down. A fantastic 5 days in Spain and our glorious cricket victory.
I had to say goodbye to my cat in August. This was the darkest moment and I'm welcoming the busy Autumn leg of "The Bourbon Jungle" to take my mind off it. I'll miss that furry bundle jumping on me when I get home at three in the morning after a long drive home.
We've also spent some of the Summer planning for next year's "A BIGGER BONG". Dates for the tour are now being confirmed and there will be some venues that we won't be visiting this time round, but there'll also be new gigs to conquer. We also have a gig in Deauville to look forward to at the end of September and then; it's heads down for Epsom.
Keep Comin'
Nick x
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| Posted By: Nick Dagger |
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CRAZY DAYS IN MAY
May is very often our busiest month of the year. When we first started, it was all about being in huge demand in December for those office party functions. Thankfully that seems to be a dying trend and The Grosvenor, Dorchester and Hilton aren't the Yuletide residencies they used to be.
If you've had a gander at our gig guide you'll see that May this year had some veery strange routing indeed. I make no apology for this. As lead singer and the man who books the gigs I know the pain of bad routing and the reasons for it happening.
If we'd been booked out by the usual promoter, our comforts would not be considered and he'd have us up and down the country like a minibus on a bungee. When moi makes the decision it's because in the long run it makes some sort of sense.
Going from Devon to San Diego to Dorking to Belgium, believe it or not made sense and that's why we did it. Plotting a theatre tour these days is no easy science. Every bugger on the planet wants to work in theatres and that means, Comedians, TV Chefs, TV Gardeners, Mountaineers, TV Quiz shows (yes, even, "Who wants to be a millionaire"? treads the boards this year), and so on. Competition is fierce and you don't get much time to make your mind up and, there's very little opportunity to change a date once it's agreed.
I'd booked 75% of the tour by November last year when some non-Theatre enquiries came in. A lawyers' convention in San Diego with a party on the deck of the aircraft carrier U.S.Midway was impossible to turn down and even though sandwiched between Croydon and Dorking looked just about, a goer.
No sooner had that date been confirmed when an invitation to play a very select birthday bash down in Devon came in for the night before our US excursion. With the promise of excellent wine and food in one of Devonia's most exclusive hotels:that too became a goer.
It only took the lure of Belgian beer and a support spot to Ray Davies to complete the (Michael) Palin-esque itinerary. What better way to clear the lungs and dissipate the in-flight thrombosis, than playing an outdoor festival in Affligem. Thus our Apollo-week was booked.
We left the Devon gig at 1am and hit west London at about 5am. We had to be in Terminal 3 for 12noon later that day and thankfully all turned up on time. Considering Virgin Airlines was set up by a bloke in the Music Business, it had to be the most inefficient check-in we've ever encountered as a band. It aint easy with stacks of flight cased guitars but it can be made easier with a party/group check-in. Virgin like to do it one at a time only.
The seating is cramped and I found the personal entertainmnet system a bit unreliable. The food and service though were excellent. We were expecting a lot of hassle at US immigration but turned out to be a doddle.
Once through customs we formed a wagon train with our overloaded trolleys and had to navigate our way from Terminal 4 to Terminal 2 for the San Diego connection. With three hours to kill that meant some drinking would have to be understaken and a slightly inebriated band found its way onto the small prop plane for the last leg.
There wa a bit of a cock up in the first hotel we were taken to and so we ended up taking up residence next door in the Marina Hyatt. So after leaving Heathrow at 15.30 we get to bed at 1am local time (West coast is 8 hours behind England-so that's 18 hours travelling). Devon seemed a bloody long time ago.
Spinal Tap script writers couid not have come up with a funnier gig. 6,000 lawyers on the deck of a warship. Our walk fronm the changing rooms way down in the bowels of this huge aircraft carrier to the stage beat anything in the Tap film:Steel doors, tunnels, spiral steps, missile launchers only to emerge on stage set bewteen two planes and a gun turret. What a sight!
A mass of sharp suits, smart hair dos and Mont Blanc biros bobbing to the beat of a counterfeit band.(It was amusing to find out that these guys' speciality was trademark and patent protection and here they were grooving to a piece of rock forgery). Hey, but they absolutely loved it and many business cards have winged their way to me for future bookings.
The Belgian gig certainly had its moments. I think we played a blinder and as we were on early it meant mucho boozoh could be downed before catching the Ray Davies gig. He didn't disappoint and when he'd finally finished it was back to the hotel for a little night cap.
One of our number; I am very sad to say, completely disgraced themselves. So disgusting was this display that I feel it necessary to publish pictorial evidence. Heavy drinking whilst in foreign climes should be treated with the utmost respect; especially in Belgium; the beer is designed to make fools of non-Flems. There is no excuse for not being able to handle your booze and a certain keyboard player broke this most sacred of rules and his collapse at 6am and consequent projectile vomitting fits on the bus to the airport, in the terminal and on board the plane itself, are beyond forgiveness.
The sight of our fat giggling Belgian Bus driver waving goodbye has haunted me ever since. "Too much Duvel eh"? he phlegmed.
There will be a special gallery of pictorial evidence of this near death experience. I implore you to check it out.
Luv
Nick x
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